goodbye.

I have felt a horrible selfish premonition, ever since she started University.  That she will change, and will eventually move on from me.  Was that my final goodbye?  It was always me thinking that she would be the one to leave, because of what I do.  But I'm beginning to think that she wants to leave.  I developed feelings for her of course, and that's when it started to bug me.  I don't want to hold her back. She's better off growing without me. She will be doing things, and I'll be here screaming no in my head... that's definitely bad for both of us.  I don't want to see it, so I'll avoid it. I've been so gullible believing everything she says.  We'll drift apart.  We definitely will.  Especially with me like this, I can't keep this up.  I'm getting tired.  Or maybe things will be better for me when my classes start. Or maybe I just need a break.

I need to get away.  Somewhere far where I can stay for a bit.

Therefore, it'll be me.  I'm taking my leave.  I'm being selfish in not wanting her to change, and that's not what love is.  Love is not selfish, and loving is learning to let go, right?  The past summer we've spent together, late night chats, stalking people, looking for things... all of that is done in the past, and I feel that I can't live up to that anymore.  She's moving on, and I'm going to be staying the same.  She's just like me.  I actually think I really do, deep down inside that I want to go out with friends and experience fun things.  I believe I still have the stay at home genes along with me, but I feel its not appropriate at my age.

All I can say is, to myself, Thanks for everything!  Maybe we'll meet again in ten years.  We might be completely different people, or maybe I've caught up to your level. And maybe then we can pick up where we left off.

Of course I'm not going to ignore her or anything.  She'll contact me, and I'll answer.  But if I'm not there, there will be no reason to contact me.