more doubts.

I'm beginning to think of more negativity towards my decision in becoming a teacher. I do get annoyed by stupid and arrogance but what if it really is me, and not the other person? I was in sorta of a fight with a friend today, and she didn't seem to get it, or it was either me who didn't seem to get it, which left me confused in the end and decided that it's me.  Anyways, either way, I'll be going to be majoring in Liberal Studies in CSUEB.  What's done is done, and I can't really change anything. I visited CSUEB today actually, there are so many young looking people.  I really did forget how people my age are supposed to look like, and I feel so out of place after being in CCC, which were full of old looking people. I'll miss CCC so much.

I also observed how I acted in my visit.  I avoided anyone I saw, and avoided all eye contact, and I did my best to not open my mouth.  This is what happens to me when I'm new to some place.  I feel much more comfortable at CCC.  And I also remember that it took me 7 years to open up a LITTLE in Hercules Mid High.

MapleStory is broken.  Global MapleStory in particular.  The core of the gameplay was the grind and new equipment.  I swear, Maple Story GLOBAL makes all the mistakes.  First MAJOR one, was adding New Leaf City along with % POTIONS.  Without that, I doubt mages would be spamming Genesis, Blizzard, and Meteor.  Regardless, leech was born.  Next came along the keeping of LHC with glitches and leech. AND on top of that, they made the monsters not attack at all.  They could have fixed this by:  Not having % potions at all, and fixing LHC so there are no glitches and monsters do attack.  Because of this, Monster Park is dead.  Honorable mention goes to  Capture the Flag.  This mode is VERY fun, however, when they added this, they should have made more stages, AND kept it the same way it is as in the other modes where people don't die as fast.  Because of this, PVP died and most people who came back to Maple for PVP, left. They should have given better BP rewards in CTF as well.  Classes are totally unbalanced in this mode as well (Dits, ice mages, priests, and battle mages rule the show).

This is not the same MapleStory I remember.  The REAL MapleStory was leveling up and grinding on one map.  The more rested you are, the more addicted and absorbed you are with the game, the more inspired you are by watching and stalking the highest level in the server and working to be like that (vivi), the higher your level would be.  But now, sitting on a rope and letting others kill who have a kajillion dollars to spend on equipment that kills the monsters in one hit is the fastest way to level. This is not the same.  Leveling is not the same.  MapleStory is not the same...

In my eyes, MapleStory died when % and potential equipment stats were introduced.  PVP sorta remedied this upon release, but with the lack of participants and the Global team killing it again, the essence of Maple Story has been nullified.  Anyways, Xeno has reached 185.  I'm thinking about not maxing MapleWarrior, but maxing Explosion instead, so I can team battle at Gladiator to a better potential than I did before.  But since I'm just transitioning from a community college to a University I don't think I'll have time to play.

Tips that I'll record for future reference:  Be in the moment, and maybe others will be in the moment with you.

I'm about to sleep.  I feel like I have to feel bad about something, so I'll sleep with all the bad things to come  in my mind that's going to haunt me in the future: her, being stupid and losing friends, and how I'll never be loved.

I'm going to follow my advice from my English teacher from the summer, and write everyday, even if its just 30 mins.  I can get better by writing everyday.  I miss her, she was a really good teacher.