I'm not going to say the word all out, because I'm afraid that I'll sound like it, and that it'll lose its meaning. What she did, and what she told me. Her thoughts do not matter at this point, because it's impossible to 100 percent assume what she thinks.
My fantasies are over. It won't be a reality. Life goes on with or without her, and we all have to live our lives the best way we can. Or I should, at least. True unrequited love hurts, but that hurt will heal, and it is. Within one week, I completely let go of our feelings. I'm back to my normal self, hunting for love.
I should prioritize what's important to me. My family comes first. If I'm a truly great person that other people see, I should do what I should do, and what I think they think I'm doing. It's hard, but I can push myself to do it. I don't want to complain, so this is how it should be. I'll do what my family wants first, they'll be with me forever. Our bond is everlasting. Friends come and go, and we lose the feelings for each other, but the memories are still there.
I can't live, loving someone that will get me no where except guiding my soul to an abandoned prison, locked up in a cell with electric bars. Attempting to get out, it shocks it once more as it jolts back to the backwall, resting again, but remaining in the cell.
Friends come and visit. It relieves me, but they don't have the key to open up. The only way to get out, is to call on Onix. Yes, that badass Pokemon that is immune to electricity and strong against steel. ROCK SLIDE bitch. As the boulders from no where crash each bar, knocking each bar into a less-than or greather-than sign. Yup, I can get out.
I can say from my heart, that I could have guided her into a better life. With no one complaining to her. I could be someone real to her, I can tell her everything, and she can tell everything to me. She would learn what true love is. She would have had a happy family. I know I understood her, I was also that loner kid. She would have been happy with me, and I would have been happy with her. It was her choice, however, that she just had to leave. I'm a good person, and I was meant for her. I don't gossip. I don't share secrets. I wouldn't lie. I would do what she says because I know she is good and that she's been through a lot. But it was her choice to leave me.
Anyways, the thing is that, she told me to talk. Yet, she's not willing to talk to me. That's what it is. It seems like I'm the only one trying to mend this relationship. She said that we attach ourselves to people who make us feel better, yet she isn't talking again. She said she wanted to be friends, otherwise she would have blocked me. Perhaps I'm coming to conclusions too soon, because it has only been almost a week. I'm confident that we'll meet again, knowing her, her heart can't take it either. And if we don't meet, my feelings will be gone, and I would have completely moved away from her.
<3
I don't want to love anyone anymore, unless I know they like me. I don't want to be seen as someone who is trying too hard. But I also don't want to be seen as someone who doesn't care. But again, why should I care? I don't need love, I'm happy this way. If I find a missing piece, I'll go for it, and maybe I'll just learn from it, and build that piece myself.
What inspired this entry? Agent Spanky on Xanga. I want to write as well as her, but funny as Avenue To The Real.
And I'm not even close, lmao.
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