I feel like it doesn't matter if people are pretentious or not or whatever... it's all fine, because we really are all part of one planet, really... we are all the Entity split in different parts with an uncomprehensible end.

Woah it's May. Thirty years ago... my mom was two weeks away from being third trimester with me.

It's Like I Died

And I watched my mom grieve for me...

It's a weird feeling...

but it also means that I cannot kill myself.  I won't kill myself.

I can't live in the moment.

When I think about how ephermeral everythign is, I can't help but start crying, especially when I just realize it at that moment, that I'm thinking that that moment will never come back... being mindful isn't working... I can't enjoy the present... I just end up crying.

My first thirty years of life is living life as it is inspired by art...

I think my next thirty should be about how my art is immitated by living...

...so I guess it just neutralizes and if I kill myself nothing would matter anyway.

Wow, I actually did have friends looking back..

Maybe I just never felt that way because I never felt real when I spoke. 

I think I changed a bit after 2010 maybe.  Or around January 2016.

I made my mom cry yesterday.  She really doesn't want me to kill myself, even after she's gone.

Grr Glenn, grr says Cyrus.

I hate people way too quick...