Hmm... and Things I miss in College.

Playing DDR in the morning improves my mood by a lot and has a lasting effect throughout the day.

My top three favorite YouTubers are all in different age groups. Eric Dodson is in his 50s, HCG is in his 40s, Reasonant Arc are in their 30s.

My HESI review book is really thin.

I had this thought that I wanted to write about, but I forgot what that thought was.

The atmosphere is also very... smokey.  From all the fires.  I have this cool Supreme mask that I wear over my regular mask.

I do not think I want the new Pokemon game very much... since I do not play Pokemon Go.  My Switch is not even connected to the TV anymore, my Wii U is connected. Wii U connects to the internet faster and I like it best for YouTube.

There are also a lot of people born in 1991 that have already achieved some of my conceived life dreams.  And I am okay with it, if I see the world as one person, then I have already achieved these dreams.  Or I guess I already achieved these dreams a long time ago.  If my own vessel, me, myself, personally achieved those dreams... it would only be some ego thingie, and the world could actually use less ego thingies.

I like dancing a lot.  When I start making money for myself I think I'll just spend it on Dance workshops.

I remember the thought that I wanted to write about.  It was how I miss University a whole lot.  I probably felt bad the whole time I was there, but looking back on it, I miss it.  I miss staying in the library crying all day in the corner reading Murakami books rather than studying. I miss playing basketball in the wellness center with random people.  I miss listening to my Ipod in the 1 hour shuttle and train rides.

I miss my girl friends.  I miss Kiana, who, when I was having girl problems, told me that "she's missing out" out of the blue.  I miss Lisa, who told me "I like the way you think."  It's like those words mitigated some of my past problems. I miss this Burma girl, who said that "no one thinks like me."  Which I like, because I willfully try to be different. I miss Caroline, who would tell me to talk to her the same way she talks to me.  And even Rose, who was almost my partner for math, and shared her grammar book with me. And the 23 year old half Filipina girl who likes Blake Griffin who worked at a movie theater and said I was her new best friend, and that Bi girl who knocked on the car window and liked Frida Kahlo. And the girl that writes snailmail as a creative hobby with a twin who hugged me.  And Tomoka from Japan who now has a baby who also hugged me. And my chemistry lab partner Miu, who had a funny accent.

I miss my friend friends, Mike, who I would play Pokemon with in his then girlfriend's dorm and gleep a bunch of apples from the cafeteria.  I miss calling Louis to play basketball with him in the gym or just waiting out until our next classes.  I miss Peter, who I would ride with in BART and learn about Zambia in Africa.  I looked deep in his eyes once and felt super gay.  I miss Geary, who would be essentially, one of those friends to just hang out with. Or even Rubin and that other 30 something year old Mexican guy in the back where we would talk about basketball and Pokemon Alphia Sapphire. And lab partner Chen, who would say that he's worried about me. I miss that slobbering random Asian guy in my Genetics class, and the random Chinese people in the basketball court who would tell me "Super shot!" when I make consecutive three's.  And that black guy who informed me about the Rec center.  Yeah, I forgot their names. 

I miss tutoring Randy and Chris, and my supervisor who would tell me that I'm awesome.

I miss going to school and longing to go home. Especially home to my friends Olivia, May, and Kathy, and later on, Steph, in MapleStory PvP.

I miss those random activities in my pre-teaching lessons, like how I was creative enough to come up with the Silent Movie idea, or how my dance choreo looked really cool, or that discussion group in Sarvasy's class, how we had a potluck in the end, or, or, or.. how I was just talking in front of a group of people.  Yeah, I miss that too even though I know I choke all the time.  Maybe it was because I never talk at all throughout the day, and when given the opportunity to talk, in a public speaking assignment, I'm able to just release everything.  It's such a relief feeling just being able to talk in general.

Yeah, I miss talking.  So, I'm going to talk to myself. Talk aloud to myself.  At least, when no one is within 5 meters from me.

Oh, and I miss my CNA program.  I miss...  tutoring Tavia, and how she looks like she's chewing something and how she would get random seizures, and how she would be mean to everyone else except me.  But it kind of scared me when she told me "I was thinking about you all night" but it also made me feel good when she said I was so nice.  And I miss.. I forgot her name, was it Brittney?  Yeah, she told me "Jason, you are inspiring."  And that I was so energetic.  Maybe that's why I decided to choose Nursing.  It's more action based and stuff and it's really in my blood.

College ended around 2014 for me.  I started getting seriously into Nursing late 2016.  For the two years in between I was hikikomori, but I was reading a lot too.

Highlights for 2015... My brother came back from living in SoCal. I missed the New Year's count down. Before that, I was planning to kill myself, but my friend Amy said she's going to SF and could meet me in April, so I though I might as well meet her before I kill myself.  You could say, she saved my life. I think I started it off by playing Persona Q, until late February.  In March I set up the big TV in the living room.  I went on Tumblr a lot, tried to learn League of Legends but watched Twitch.tv instead.  I was reading One Piece.  I played a lot of Xbox DDR.  When April came, I finally met up with my long time friend Amy.  I probably came off as an anxious asshole though.  I watched a lot of Initial D.  I went to AX in July and saw Steph again, hoping I would bump into Jess.  I read Harry Potter again.  I played a lot of Final Fantasy Record Keeper.  I went to San Jose with my brother to his friend's place, where his friend told me he thought I was 12.  I celebrated my birthday with my personal friends for the first time, who are not my brother's friends, Geary and Lydia.   I went on a road trip with my dad and his remaining siblings, north, east, and south.  I tried getting back into MapleStory, playing the limited time Pink Bean class and started again on the Reboot server. After January 2016, I finally ended the annoying pretentious thing with Jess that plagued me for four years.

And then throughout 2016, it was Kpop's GFriend, and then AKB48 all day until I started going back to school in mid- August. Then blah blah blah school, met Nina, Anne Jolene, Tracey, Ariana, Brooklyn, Sundance, Meeka, Raquel, Tenzin, Lauren, and Patricia (and later on El Salvadorean girl) while getting really into Keyakizaka46.  Then blah blah blah played Wii U and SNES Classic, met up with Sarah, and Sophia who I've known for almost ten years at this point but meeting in person for the first time (I don't think she likes me very much), then more school online, along with a lot of cool Video Essays on Youtube... and... Nintendo Switch, and more school with incompetant group mates while harvesting three van fulls of persimmon and watching a Pokemon marathon and here I am.

I just finished the first Xenoblade game yesterday... and just woah, the last few hours of that game is a masterpiece.  But the beginning hours was so boring... I am thinking this Xenoblade had the best ending, Xenoblade X had the best beginning, and Xenoblade 2 had the best middle climatic parts.

You get money to be social.  Money is a social thingie.

I was looking at this list of billionaires, and one of them is a 23 year old from Norway.  I looked through her instagram and she was going for Bernie Sanders.  She also likes the Simpsons a lot.  That's super cute. I did not know billionaires had such heart.

What I've been up to?... ?!?!?...

Pokemon all day on Twitch Tv.
Pathophysiology and Nursing Waiting List Hell.
I got straight As.

I do really well in school when I am not distracted by g1r1.

Now I'm trying to get all I can out of Xenoblade 2.  With Torna and the main game, I played over 300 hours.

You know what?  I do not think I hate life that much.  I just hate The Will to Power.

Some things to ponder

-Resisting stress is stressful
-To relax is to not remember.  Clearing the mind is to not remember, and is the only way to relax...?

Two more hours until the end of my birthday...

This morning, I've tried to recall the highlights of my birthdays from my eighth birthday until now... I did not think about my birthdays before I turned 8, since those were already captured in family videos.

9th birthday- Probably got Pokemon cards.  I remember my family's road trip to Washington and buying an Overgrowth theme deck.  My cousin Karen also got me three Jungle Blister packs from Target, since she worked there at the time.  It was the summer of Pokemon.

10th birthday- I remember Las Vegas.  My cousin Daniel won me a big Bulbasaur plushie.  I also think I got a Pokemon T-shirt from my brother's friend Vashal.  Also, maybe this was the year I was very spoiled and got a pig and M&M plushie... or was that the year before?  My cousin Bryan also lent us the Sega Genesis and Sega Saturn.  Maybe I also got the Misty Pokemon Theme deck around this time.

11th birthday-  This big box of Pokemon Cards... Topps Pokemon Cards as well from Toys R Us. My family was also in the process of moving.  We went to the Flee Market a couple of times this summer.

12th birthday- Went to Legoland, Disneyland, and Las Vegas I think.  Got Legend of Mana as well.  My cousin Bryan was with us, right before leaving for the Navy. I remember him saying 40 bucks for Legend of Mana was expensive.

13th birthday-  Got a GBA SP and Zelda a Link to the Past before going on a trip to Montreal. I remember this because I brought it on the trip with me, and I went to the movies with my cousin Don to see S.W.A.T. and I had to be 13 to see it.

14th birthday-  Got a desktop computer.  I forgot if I got a video game.  I think I was really addicted to the computer at this point, it was the first year I really went online.  I did not play MapleStory yet, but I did download a bunch of anime and tried out Gunbound, on a dial-up connection.

15th birthday-  Got a bunch of stuff, I remember getting a Naruto and Kakashi plush, and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.   Also went to the Philippines around this time.  And Disneyland with the Mok.

16th birthday- Hmm.  Went to the Grand Canyon this summer. I remember my brother graduated high school  too, and I invited Stella, Anthony, Vince, and Kevin to my birthday.  Vince brought his Gamecube over and we sang karaoke.

17th birthday-  I got a Nintendo DS Lite and Pokemon Diamond.  I brought it with me to this cruise to Mexico, and I stayed in the cabin playing it.

18th birthday-  I was trying to finish up Xenosaga Episode III and was sad of how old I was getting.

19th birthday- My friend Sophia rejected me.  Also had a random party with Ingo, Ronnie, uncle Bobby, and Kevin and his mom, but what I temember the most was just staying upstairs with the lights off.

20th birthday- I think this was the birthday where I was full of angst.  I do not remember doing anything, except probably yard work with my dad.

21st birthday- I probably played MapleStory PvP or something.

22nd birthday-  I remember my friend Jess drawing a picture of my MapleStory character.  I was always chatting with those guys, Jess, Ron, and Steph.

23rd birthday-  Laptop.

24th birthday-  3DS and Pokemon X.

25th birthday-   I invited my university friends Geary and Lydia over and we played the Nintendo 64 and walked around my city.

26th birthday-  I got a bunch of AKB48 stuff.

27th birthday- Got a bunch of Wii U stuff.

28th birthday:

It's a little fuzzy around my 9th, 10th, and 11th birthday.  I most likely mixed them up.  I know there was a lot of Pokemon going on in those years for sure though.