I feel that everything is a competition of some sorts.  Every.  Single.  Thing.

And I lose at everything.

And there's a name for this...

a loser....

So finally after 2 years and 8 months, it soaked in.

She never cared about me at all.

Got a bunch of Manga from the Thrift Store for 10 bucks BWAHAHAA.

No space on my book shelf so I stack them on my night stand. 

It feels too weird to move on.  I don't think I'll move on.

Ever since I was little I never liked anything human-looking.

In the children's section of the public library... there were books... with faces of people.  I never borrowed those.  I always chose the books with the anthropomorphic animals, no matter how boring the book was, I would re-borrow those books.  Those books without human-looking characters.

Human disliking began at a young age for me...

Why?  Why was I like that?!?!?!

This is the closest I'll ever get to this person.  I should not expect anything more.

If she asks me "why do you like/love me?"

I'll respond by saying,

You're just like me.  You're the female version of me. And I want to love myself, forever and ever!

Gah everything is so pointless!!!

Maybe I just need a new video game... Lol.

Or I just need to bother other people... can't bother the same people I usually bother because THEY'RE SO BORING :((( (or I am approaching them with an angle that makes them boring)  EITHER WAY, I just can't connect.