I take it back, 1Q84 is good, I am just not addicted to it like a Harry Potter book.  But it's thought provoking and makes me self-reflect.  Food for my soul.

I like how Aomame refrains from being in a relationship, and that she can survive knowing that she has loved someone in the past and will continue loving him even if she never sees him again.  I am a huge fan of one loves like this... also she hopes she'll cross paths with him in the future, and she believes she will by chance, and if that doesn't happen then it's not meant to be, but she'll continue loving him even if she never sees him again.  So cute, I want to be like that... Lol, I think it's how I'll treat this one girl I like right now, since it's been so long... well, for me it has been.  It has been the longest time I have ever liked someone so far in my life, consistently at least.

...

Anyways, I am so happy she made her instagram public again Lol.

So like... I have no arm hair or chest hair, EVER.  But I have one abnormal strand of hair growing from my nipple (seriously!!!).  And I have like two strands of hair growing around both my nipple, but that's not weird as the strand that is growing from my nipple (like half a centimeter from the nipple dot-ball thing).

No wonder I am not growing.  I see myself as a boy because I have no man hair.

Can't get into 1Q84... I am disappointed with my last two purchases, I think I am done with Murakami... I only really liked The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, A Wild Sheep Chase, Dance Dance Dance, and Norwegian Wood, but only because I was in the process of either getting over this girl, holding on, or chasing after her, and I have already did all the holding on and chasing I can do.  I am tired, and hopefully the far future has a place for the love I have yearning for her.  Or I can take what I gathered in retrospect and become a dark loner who hates everybody and any sign of affection given to me, and not trusting anyone ever again.

I feel ten times older when I have really short hair and it bothers me.  How about when I really turn old... that'll bother me so much.  Well, maybe not if I destroy all mirrors, and anything else that can show a reflection.

blehasdf

If someone asks me what my goal in life is...

I'll just say that it's to move to Australia.

more earthquake thoughts

The earthquake should have came sooner.  Like on August 11.  Same place, but sooner.  Same place in Napa.  A few miles up north from where I live, and right where Robin Williams lived...

Perhaps it could have saved Robin Williams.  He ties the belt around his neck, suspending it in the closet, successfully has everything down.  All he needs to do is wait a few minutes to die... but suddenly, EARTHQUAKE, and the belt falls, thus he falls, saving his life.

I just could never translate it into words

And I still can't.

Ever since my birth, I did not want to see the world.

Because...

When I was born, the placenta came out first.  And then me.  I knew unconsciously from the beginning, without any knowledge of the world, without any knowledge of what I would become, I knew that I would not like it here...

Thus I said, "hey placenta, you go first, they want to take something out and they have to take you, not me.  I don't want to go out there."

Just a thought. But really, the placenta came out before I did.  I could have died then.

EARTHQUAKE

The lights were flickering from across the street and my window was open so it's like there was lightning.

My first thoughts were... wow I'm so scurred, if I have kids they will have a cowardly father.  

I was having a good dream too... about her, even though I am supposed to be moving on...