WTH, WHY CAN'T YOU SEE.

DOESN'T MY STALKING SCREAM "I MISS YOU!!" ?!?!?!

Life gets worse and worse as you get older... mentally and physically, especially physically...

The only thing you can do, is not realize it.

Do not lay down.  I tend to think of extreme depressing thoughts when I do, and it just makes me want to scream.

But then again... it makes me want to listen to music... Dancey music.  That makes me get up to dance.

So I guess I should lay down if I want to dance.

I know everything doesn't matter... but why do I still feel so insecure sometimes when I'm talking or just making contact with another person.

I feel so secure when I'm by myself..

This Suckssssssssss

So all this time I thought I was building credit because I use a credit card that's like connected to my mom's card because we have the same number and we thought we're building credit that way, but NOPE turns out I need a job and open up an account thing myself to start building up, SO I GUESS I really really do need a job then... GOD, if only I knew earlier I would have seriously looked for a job right when I was able to start working.

If we didn't have a closure maybe it's a sign that we're bound to meet again?

I'm in southern California. The first thing I thought of was checking her Tumblr.  And so I did.  Here's some new info I've gathered:

Apparently her laptop broke and she got a new one... (..perhaps along with all our memories from Skype History...)  This is huge news, because it means she doesn't check our talks of the past, often, as what I do... huge blow to my heart.

Church

I missed church yesterday.

In fact, I haven't been going to church for the past... months.  My parents started not going either, but they went yesterday.   On Saturday night, they even told me to sleep early so that I can go with them.   But I didn't.

When they came home they told me to make the sacrifice to go to church because in the future there might not be church anymore.  This was their reason this time.   In the past, when I slept in, they would say that I have to visit the lord, and give thanks or whatever.  But this time was different.  There might not be church anymore.

My parents are finally out in the open that they're losing faith... maybe they just wanted me to grow up with morals, and now that I think I'm grown, or they think I'm old enough, they can be honest about these sort of things.