Do not lay down.  I tend to think of extreme depressing thoughts when I do, and it just makes me want to scream.

But then again... it makes me want to listen to music... Dancey music.  That makes me get up to dance.

So I guess I should lay down if I want to dance.

I know everything doesn't matter... but why do I still feel so insecure sometimes when I'm talking or just making contact with another person.

I feel so secure when I'm by myself..

This Suckssssssssss

So all this time I thought I was building credit because I use a credit card that's like connected to my mom's card because we have the same number and we thought we're building credit that way, but NOPE turns out I need a job and open up an account thing myself to start building up, SO I GUESS I really really do need a job then... GOD, if only I knew earlier I would have seriously looked for a job right when I was able to start working.

If we didn't have a closure maybe it's a sign that we're bound to meet again?

I'm in southern California. The first thing I thought of was checking her Tumblr.  And so I did.  Here's some new info I've gathered:

Apparently her laptop broke and she got a new one... (..perhaps along with all our memories from Skype History...)  This is huge news, because it means she doesn't check our talks of the past, often, as what I do... huge blow to my heart.

Church

I missed church yesterday.

In fact, I haven't been going to church for the past... months.  My parents started not going either, but they went yesterday.   On Saturday night, they even told me to sleep early so that I can go with them.   But I didn't.

When they came home they told me to make the sacrifice to go to church because in the future there might not be church anymore.  This was their reason this time.   In the past, when I slept in, they would say that I have to visit the lord, and give thanks or whatever.  But this time was different.  There might not be church anymore.

My parents are finally out in the open that they're losing faith... maybe they just wanted me to grow up with morals, and now that I think I'm grown, or they think I'm old enough, they can be honest about these sort of things.

Ugly Rant

You know what's ugly?  Seeing a friend curse online, and you know she doesn't curse that much offline... it just looks so awkard.. and that's why it's ugly.  It's ugly because it's awkward.  You know you don't want to curse!

What's worse is that when I'm talking online, I don't curse.. can't you see that if other people don't curse it means you shouldn't either?

It's ugly because it's not even funny... it's not like... "AHAHAHA nigguh bitch nigguh!"  I'm okay with that cursing.  That cursing is the funny kind.

But when you start complaing, eg "shit", "damnit -.-" or something like that... it just looks so awkward and makes me feel uncomfortable... it's... so ugly.

"Don't attach yourself to people.  They run away.  Attach yourself to a passion."