Be honest using your mind, not heart.

"Hi.  I don't know if i'm in the position to say this, but I'll say it anyway.  How are you doing? Or, it may be a  stupid question since I stalk your Tumblr anyways, and from the looks of it, you're doing fine, so that's like my assumption."

She really doesn't give a fuck about me...

It really won't last if its all one sided.... no wonder her friends leave her, she doesn't give a fuck.

Madman Xeno

I think its okay for me to be a twisted madman around other people... its not like I'll be their friend, in a long lasting relationship anyway.

Socializing

I notice that I like it when I'm assigned to a group.  I really like socializing once I'm assigned like that... BUT I hate going up to people by choice, initiating something to say, and stuff like that.  Maybe its my nature to just leave things as it is, and I really like it that way... I really like leaving things as it is.

My Oath

I plan to stay committed until she flats out rejects me.

... and it's back.

I had a dream about her!  Weird dream though, it was a dream about me stalking her Tumblr.

Anyways, I think because of this dream, my feelings are back.

I woke up in such a good mood.  Not overly joyous, just the normal kind of mood that I hope to wake up to everyday.

I finished All That She's Worth. It's supposed to be a really good book, and I blame the translator for not making it really good, and not only that, because I had bad experiences with books he translated in the past.

Also heard that Pink song this morning, Just Give Me a Reason, and now I set it on repeat like a madman.

Speaking of madmans, I'm also tired of drawing Jesus everywhere on my notebook when I'm bored in class.  I think I'll start drawing Fredrich Nietzche everywhere now instead.

and now it's fading...

Not sure if this is bad for me and good for her or good for me and good for her, but...

I'm beginning to lose interest.

Today is also a 17 day.  3+8+1+3.  I planned to write her something, but nothing is coming out of my heart. I really need her to say something to me...

It just so happens also that this is my 17th post on May.

17 is her favorite number, that's why I think of 17 when I think of numbers.

NOT going to get mad at her

Because... she never got angry at me... never showed anger at all...

And I'm really not that kind of person to get angry like that... unless I'm doing it for someone else, like I'd get mad to protect her.

But then again... she's probably doing it worse by talking about me to other people.