Those Days are... Gone?

Missing the days when my priorities were leveling up and attempting to create stories.

Need to Stay Away from my House....

Otherwise I'm stuck here waiting for her, even though knowing that she'll never come back.

Bolt!

Just watched Disney's Bolt.
Fucking good movie.
I cried like three times for not story reasons.  Fuuuck I love it so much lol.

A Chitanda

Replaying the events in my head over and over again.

I can't figure out what happened... it's so split.

Deductions:  so she went to go out and play with other friends... but certainly she couldn't have forgotten about me, right?  I did talk about this other girl, did she get jealous?  (I'm hoping she would because that would show that she has feelings for me?)  But... it was only natural to get back at her... she kept talking about other guys that made me feel like... "you know what, how about this?!?!?"  I was laughing when I wrote all of that... how come she can't talk to me... maybe she really is shy, but I was hoping she would want to talk to me instead of blocking me.

I can't do anything except sleep.  This is making me even more unattractive.  I'm going insane... and I will go down with this ship.  It's been four months since I talked to her.  Like really really talked to her... and four months from now will be an anniversary for when we met.

What the fuck am I doing

I'm not interested in this real shit.

I'm interested in fairy tales.  Characters.  Made up stuff.  But with real personalities.  Real feelings. I'm wasting my time learning about things that are already here... I'm not a creator, I'm just walking through footsteps that are too big or too small for my own feet (EW I SAID FEET).  Really though... what the hell did I get myself into.... its unfortunate that I was raised to listen to my mind instead of my heart, but its the cause of my mind's downfall...

Things that this other girl irks me:  Her vocabulary.  And she's not genuinely nice. Or maybe she is, she's just realistic?  I don't know.  We can't really talk about anything beyond... lol I have this urge to say beyond good and evil so that's what I'll call it.  We can't really talk about anything beyond good and evil. Jenseits von Gut und Böse motherfucker.

lalala I don't want to care anymore.

It's more embarrassing now looking back at what I just did... I should have just left it alone, but I didn't.

If something I feel is wrong, the limit should be... four days.  After four days, then don't do anything at all and move on.

One day, then apologize quick.  Very quick.  Yup.

But I guess this was an exception because I didn't know what the fuck I actually did... come to think of it though, I didn't know what I did the other time something like this happened, but I detected some sudden animosity so I apologized quickly even though nothing was my fault.... lol wtf!  This is probably why I think I'm better off with older friends.

Mind Over Heart

Yeah, it won't work.   Even if she becomes my friend, and that she likes me, I can't like her because her communication sucks.  She never liked me anyway.

AND, it looks like she was only my friend because I like her like that?

Another reason:  She just got sick of me.

ANYWAYS, despite all this shit, at least it tests the limit to my patience?  Lol.